Tag Archives: Poems

The Shadows

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I stand in the shadows

Allowing the darkness

To obscure my form.

Feeling invisible

In a world that demands

Constant visibility.

I am a deviant in this regard.

 

Hiding has become second-nature.

Years of skulking about

Formulate my expertise,

Making me a solid spokesperson

For all those, like me,

Who feel most comfortable

Enveloped by the dark.

 

I’ve learned to sit up front,

But it takes guts to do so.

I keep my eyes downcoast,

Waiting for censure,

For the ego-destroying caustic comment

That snaps me in two.

But I sit there anyway, knowing,

Instinctively, that this is where best

To be recognized, to be acknowledged,

To be held as a positive example.

 

Later I’ll slink into the background

And blend in with the overhanging

Leaves of trees and

The sides of buildings.

I return to being invisible as

I stand in the dark.

Resurrecting Memories

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I was afraid of you from the very beginning.

As far back as I can remember, I cannot recall

A single incident in which you held me in your arms,

Consoled me when I was sad,

Comforted me when I was ill,

Or sheltered me when I was distressed.

I cannot remember any words of encouragement,

But rather the tone of disappointment

When once again I failed to be the girly girl

That you expected. Demanded.

You did complete forms when I wanted to go to college

And when I bought my first car,

But beyond that I only sensed frustration

And anger and rage

Expressed with almost demonic glee

Whenever I slighted your sensibilities,

Causing you to discipline me with hand or belt

Or word, the most painful of all for those hurts never ceased.

I feared your homecoming after a day of work,

For I never knew what your mood might be and

How it would affect me.

If you were angry, I’d be the recipient of your anger.

If you were frustrated, I’d be the outlet.

It got so that I hid away in my room

Whenever you were around

For I never knew when you’d explode

And I’d be the nearest target for your hands.

I’d dream of living in a different family.

One filled with love. Soft voices.

Encouragement. Joy. Laughter.

Kind arms.

I convinced myself that I was adopted,

Like the kids in stories who were abused

By their adoptive families,

As an explanation as to why you treated me

The way you did.

That helped me move past my deep-felt hurt.

I never forgot the things you did.

The way you spoke to me in derision.

The lack of your love.

But more than anything,

I never moved past my fear.

 

Fearful Memories

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She came to her mother in the night

smelling of sweat, fear and sour breath

with hair tangled into miserable knots

crying about the monsters plaguing her dreams

which resembled all too closely

the boys who teased her mercilessly at school

even though Mom had complained to the teacher,

begging her to stop the torture.

The girl snuggled next to her mother’s side

head resting on the chest

arms tightly gripping her mother’s waist

and cried until all tears were gone.

her mom thought about sending her daughter

back to her own bed

back to the darkness where nightmares ran free,

but instead cradled her daughter and tried

to erase the painful memories.

 

If I Saw a Werewolf

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I saw a werewolf dancing a jig

He jumped, he spun, he shifted his wig

With twinkling toes and red-sparkling nails

His laughter echoed through hills and vales

 

His grin, his teeth, incredibly big

A handsome werewolf dancing a jig

His partner, a fairy in sparkling array

Acted as if she were dancing for pay

 

Amid  bold sneers and snickers guffawed

He heard only admirers applaud

That handsome werewolf dancing a jig

Was outdone by a talented pig

 

Judges awarded ribbon of red

“I thank you,” the winning dancer said

“I beat you fair and square,” said the pig.

Then that werewolf quit dancing a jig

 

 

My Never-ending Battle

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I’d like to be able to tell you

That I’ve won the battle with my body.

That I’m down to a respectable weight

And that nothing will distract me

From that goal.

But weight loss is a continuous battle.

It is never won.

It defies logic.

People look at a fat person

And think that something’s mentally wrong.

Why else look like that?

Why not just stop stuffing food into your mouth?

But it’s not that easy.

There was never a time in my life when I was thin.

Even going back into my toddler years,

I was a fat child.

In elementary school I was the source

Of many laughs.

The interesting thing is that I’ve never

Been a big eater.

You would never have caught me with

My plate mounded high and

Shoveling food down faster than a dog.

But here I am, years later and still fighting

The same old battle.

I don’t like the way I look.

I’m embarrassed when I put on my

Swim suit and walk out on the deck.

When I picture my floppy arms

Coming out of the water.

I’m humiliated when I sit next to skinny people

And see that one of my thighs equals two of theirs.

And I’m tired of the fight.

It exhausts me, the simple act of eating.

Or not eating.

Filling myself with fluid so that my stomach

Will be full and I won’t take that extra bite.

And so I would love to tell you

That I’ve won the battle so that you would smile

And nod

And be proud of my accomplishment.

But I can’t.

God Gave Me You

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God gave me you

When I needed you the most.

You came to me like a miracle

Stepping out of the haze into

A light of your own

Hewn from love, from a family

That embraces strangers

And accepts them immediately into

Strong arms and hearts.

 

God gave me you

To cheer me up, to bolster my spirits,

To make my heart sing.

To encourage me to try new things

To appreciate the things I did well

And to support me when I struggled.

All along you have been there,

My knight, standing tall with your blue eyes

And wide-open arms, easy smile,

Warm heart.

We’ve traveled miles together,

Sometimes as a couple,

Sometimes alone, going our separate ways,

But always returning to be one

 

God gave me you

To walk with me through good times

And hard times, struggles and fears.

Now we are walking through our later years,

Still strong.

Still believing in the love that drew

Us together in the first place.

Still pulling us forward into each new day

Wondering what God has in mind for us.

What new joys God will give us.

And trying desperately not to think

Of the end times. Of the days when one of us

Will move along into God’s embrace.

 

God gave me you

To propel me forward, with a happy heart.

And I still eagerly yearn for your embrace.

That’s why God gave me you.

Tumult

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Words spew forth like a waterfall

A frenetic jumble of phrases

That slowly meld together

Forming cognizant thoughts

At times, soft and comforting

At others, cannonballs capable of destruction

Annihilating warships

Armies wielding sharp swords in response.

But I am neither a warrior nor a politician

So lack the voice, the platform.

Instead fences hold hate at bay

Protecting me from enemies seen and unseen

Hulking behind a line drawn on a map.

Instead of battle, words float through air

Drifting far away, ignored, unheard

Carried by a breeze that unfurls flags,

Allowing them to flutter like the

Wings of a butterfly.

Peace comes, descending like a dream.

Gentleness wipes away troubles,

Leaving behind a cleansed spirit.

All is well at last.

 

 

 

The Road

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Ahead the road lay like a long, straight line.

But it was only an illusion.

There were subtle rises and falls,

Bigger hills and valleys.

Turns to the left and right,

But always, without fail,

The road returned to its path,

Pulling us forward, onward,

Closer and closer to our goal.

It made me think of my life.

How uneven it was, its fits and starts,

Twists and turns,

Many unplanned and unwanted,

Yet always pushing me forward.

I do regret the things I’ve done that pulled me off course.

I wish I could go back and erase

The mistakes I made.

Things I said that should have been left unsaid.

Things I did that should never have happened.

The rises and falls of emotions that caused me

To think and feel in extremes.

The wrong turns that pulled me asunder,

Forcing me to fight against the tide

In order to get back on course.

I’d like to say I’ve learned from my mistakes

And that now I follow the straight road

That lies ahead.

But I know that the job is never finished

And that forces unbeknownst to me

Will pull me away from my target.

I just hope that I’ll always be able to

Jump back in the right lane.