Writing Reprieve

            A few weeks ago, when strolling through the quaint streets of the coast side village of Mendocino, my feet insisted on walking toward the bluff. High overhead flocks of brown pelicans flew by, while down below seagulls tormented picnickers relaxing on the beach.

            Waves crashed repeatedly, the swells growing larger as the tide came in. A few brave souls rode the crests on boogie boards, while further out, a group of teenagers stood on paddle boards.

            Considering the chill wind that had blown all day long, the fog slowly drifting in, and the pale blue sky, everyone in the water must be freezing.

            I tugged my jacket closed, then fumbled with the zipper which refused to engage. I tried over and over, holding together the two parts of the zipper until, thankfully, it decided to cooperate.

            By the time I had my jacket zipped up, I was shivering.

            Despite the magnetic attraction to remain on the bluff, I turned and headed back to the board-walked streets of downtown.

 I stopped at the park, intrigued by a murder of crows, dodging each other’s beaks as one-by-one they fight over the remains of some treats that walkers had tossed their way. The winners often flew up to the pointed roofs, enjoying their well-earned reward.

The scene was incredibly relaxing, and since there was room at one of the picnic tables. I sat, with back against the top, to watch and hopefully find inspiration for a story.

I’d just bought a new journal at the bookstore in town. The cover was a deep blue with a wavy grain running from left to right. It was just the right size: big enough to get down the beginnings of a story, but small enough to fit in my shoulder bag.

The crows performed swoops and dives, cawing all the while, flapping wings and dancing on their feet.

To me, they resembled participants in a talent show, so that’s the setting I chose.

My character, an older single woman who sang in her church choir, was dating one of the members: a handsome gray-haired man, about her height, with an infectious laugh and a love of travel.

All was going so well that Margie expected an engagement ring to be raised on their next date. She’d thought about remarrying, about what it had felt like when her first husband passed away when shopping at the grocery store, and how liberating it was to no longer be under his beck and call.

Margie had sworn to never let another man run her life, but here was Samual, the kindest, most thoughtful man she’d ever known.

During choir practice Friday night, her friend Lola pressed a tiny note into Margie’s hand.

“Read this late,” Lola had whispered.

Well, the note said that she’d seen Samual at Roxy’s, a fancy restaurant in downtown San Francisco. His hands gripped those of a tiny redhead, and he’d been planting kisses on her cheeks, neck and even down her arms!

Margie shook her head in dismay. Samual might try to claim this other woman was “just a friend”, but Margie wasn’t stupid or gullible.

I was well into the story, plotting out what happened next, when a raucous group of juvenile crows surrounded me. Three were on the table top, pecking my hair and shoulders. Two danced down by my feet, running in to attack my shoestring, then backing away. They seemed to have coordinated their movements, as first one ran up, then as that one was backing off, the other charged in.

The squawking intensified as they moved closer and closer.

I slid my notebook into my bag and hurried away. The force of the wind sent me flying north, up the street toward my hotel.  The crows went with me, swooping down close to the top of my head, then shooting straight up, complaining loudly.

It wasn’t until I’d begun the climb uphill past the cemetery that the crows finally left me alone.

Back in my hotel room, I first spent time sitting in the old-fashioned arm chair that faced the window. Outside an array of flowers swayed in the wind as the fog settled closer and closer to the ground.

The sunny day turned gray in a matter of minutes. What once was an inspiration for a skewed love story took on an ominous tone in my mind.

I opened the journal and continued writing, not noticing when a murder to three crows landed outside my window.

An Old Friend Reappears

            I was sitting outside a friend’s house, too early to meet her. I didn’t mind the wait.

            The weather was pleasant, so it wasn’t hot in my car, plus I was listening to an engrossing novel through my radio.

            An unexpected car turned onto the street, a somewhat familiar gray-haired woman driving. I watched her through the side mirror park a bit down the road, so I assumed she was visiting that house, not my friend’s.

            About that time my friend Carol appeared, standing near the rear of her car.

            That was my cue to turn off my engine and meet her. As I approached, I asked her who the woman was. Carol’s face lit up as soon as she recognized Izzy, someone neither of us had seen in years.

            As soon as Izzy got near, she spoke and her voice took me back to the pre-COVID pandemic years, the last time the three of us had been together.

            As Carol drove to another friend’s house, the three of us caught up. It was wonderful to hear Izzy’s voice, to know that she was okay, and that she was still the kind, soft-spoken person I’d met years ago.

            During lunch, she sat at the far end of the table, next to another friend she hadn’t seen for years.

            Because I was at the opposite end, I shared stories with the three women closest to me.

            On the drive back to Carol’s house, Izzy was overjoyed at being with our group once again. I asked if she would join us next month, and her face lit up as she firmly stated, “Yes.”

            Not all old acquaintances are ones we want to see again, but in this case, I think all of us were pleased.

I Try, Again

Dieting is no easy job.

It eats at your resistance like

Easter candy, long gone stale,

Tucked away in last year’s basket.

I yearn for a choice piece of chocolate,

Nougat or caramel crème or a

Generous slice of dark chocolate torte.

Those things are no longer my fare

Housed within my body are too many

Ounces of fat cells, to the point of

Ugliness, obesity, just plain fat.

Gaining another pound cannot happen.

Having the will power to succeed,

Trying once more to drop sizes,

Success will come my way.

I hope.

The thing is, candy is alluring.

It calls your name, over and over

Until you have no choice but to sneak a bite

A piece, a chunk when no one is looking.

Guilt then overwhelms.

Why did I sabotage myself?

I’m a strong woman, I tell myself.

I’ve overcome emotional and physical abuse.

I’ve suffered chastisement from my employer

For simply doing my job.

I’ve raised three amazing adults

And been married for decades.

I read and write and do puzzles.

But yet I can’t walk away

When a simple piece of candy,

Or a perfectly baked cookie,

Or a slice of peach pie,

Or a spectacular bowl of ice cream

Appear, like magic.

  1. Will. Try. Again.

Poor Little Boy

(Based on a writing prompt)

            Miles loved to jump. Every day he practiced running as fast as he could, then leaping over whatever barriers he had managed to construct.

            He didn’t jump because he dreamt of being an Olympic track star, but because he loved being set free in the great outdoors. He loved nature, but mostly Miles loved escaping his overly critical stepfather’s eye.

            The year he turned ten, the summer Olympics were held. His stepfather controlled the television, and since he wasn’t interested, Miles never got to see any events taking place in the evening. But whenever his stepfather was gone, Miles watched as much as he could, paying special attention to any event that involved jumping.

            He watched in fascination as runners took off mid-jump, flew through the air, then landed in a pit of sand. Mile then decided to practice the long jump in his backyard. He was afraid of taking that leap, but with practice, he soon felt pretty confident in his abilities.

            He was pretty sure he’d never do the high jump: he couldn’t imagine himself running with a long pole, planting it in the ground, then using it to spring himself high into the air and over a pole.

            What intrigued Miles the most were the hurdles. He counted the steps athletes took in between each hurdle, then practiced in his backyard.

            As he ran, he pictured himself winning a big award, becoming the Greatest of all Time. He’d step up on the podium like those Olympic athletes had done, with a huge smile on his face.

            With great humility, he’d lower his head so that the official could place the ribbon around his neck.

            One day at church, an announcement was made that CYO, or the Catholic Youth Organization, was forming a team from his parish. Miles begged his parents to let him join.

            He had to mow neighbor’s lawns to earn enough to pay the fee, and as soon as he had the money, his mom signed him up.

            After picking him up form school in the afternoons, his mom drove him to the church so he could practice.

            Mile tried everything, but the hurdles and long jump were his favorites.

            Meets were held on Sundays at the nearby community college.

            For the first few meets, Miles came in close to last, but as time passed, and he learned the proper methods, Miles standing improved. He came in seventh. Then second.

            When the final meet arrived, Miles told himself that his time had come, that he would win.

            And so he did, then went on to win the Diocesan finals. From there he went to Sacramento, and won at the state level.

            Several years later when Miles enrolled in high school, he was pretty darn good. As a freshman, he came in first at every meet. Soon he was moved to Varsity, where he kept winning one red ribbon after another.

            Until a runner in the lane next to him reached out and punched Miles in the shoulder. Miles fell to the ground, fracturing his thigh in three places.

            Physical therapy helped regain his ability to walk at a good pace, but he’d never run again.

            The high school coach found a place for Miles on the team: as a mentor for up-and-coming hurdlers.

            While he couldn’t compete, he had the satisfaction of watching his teammates win.

            As an adult, Miles coached a youth track team, instilling in the little kids the love of the sport.

            He was saddened, but not distraught. He had accomplished his dream, then despite injury, was able to inspire others.

            Out of sadness can come joy, if one keeps their eyes open.

Thoughts about Yosemite

Yosemite National Park is

One of the most exquisite beauties.

Standing in its grass covered valley,

Energized by roaring waterfalls,

My heart expands: incomparable,

Incredible vistas surround me.

Tremendous witnessed awesome power.

Escapist’s vacation location.

Nothing impresses me more than this

Admirable verdant valley, with its

Towering, tree-devoid mountain peaks,

Iconic, historic wood buildings,

On-rushing river, wilderness trails,

Newly blossomed colorful flowers.

All gathered into a preserved spot

Left for generations to enjoy.

Protected from all development.

Absolutely stunning to the eye

.

Reminder of the glory of God

Kept as a witness to His power.

Missing Gift

            We didn’t have a lot of money when our family was growing up. We’d skimp and save in order to replace a broken washer, or purchase off-brand foods that were usually bits and pieces of canned fruit, broken noodles, dented cans. We only bought what was essential and always, always on sale.

            When our oldest son was about to graduate from eighth grade, we thought he should have a reliable watch to see him through high school. I checked every ad, looking for the best deal on a good watch.

            I finally found one during the pre-Christmas sales. It wasn’t too expensive, it was a well-known brand, and better yet, it was on sale at a price we could afford.

            My husband entertained the kids while I supposedly went out shopping. In actuality, I snuck around the side of the house, past a large sliding glass door, then crawled in through a window in our bedroom. I had to stay completely silent, so no radio blaring, and keeping the cutting of wrapping paper and the application of scotch tape as quiet as possible.

            We heated the house with a wood-burning stove in the family room instead of using the furnace, so it was quite cold in the bedroom. I wore a heavy coat, stocking cap, and long-sleeved sweatshirts.

            At the end of a specified period of time, I’d hide the gifts in our closets, climb out through the window, slink around the side of the house and open the garage door. I’d always have packages to carry in, items I’d left in the trunk of the car for just that purpose.

            After the kids had fallen asleep, my husband and I carried all the wrapped gifts out from our bedroom and place them under the tree.

            According to tradition, the kids couldn’t get out of bed until my husband went into the front room, turned on all the lights and pronounced that Santa had been there.

            With a great amount of shrieking and laughter, we gathered around our tree and opened gifts, one-by-one. Mounds of wrapping paper were soon all over the floor, accompanied by ribbons and bows, all of which we’d recycle for next year.

            I kept track, and all gifts but one were accounted for: the watch.

            As the kids built Lego structures or played with new toys, I scoured the house, searching through all my usual hiding spots. The watch was nowhere to be found.

            There was one possible place left, one that I didn’t cherish searching: the large garbage can outside.

            This event took place before formal state-wide recycling took place, which meant that everything would be in the can! Food scraps, greasy food coverings, tin cans, crumpled aluminum foil, newspapers, and even lawn cuttings.

            I put on a pair of my husband’s yard gloves and began sorting, moving things one way, then the other, alternating sides, digging deeper and deeper into the much.

            My heart was pounding, harder and harder, as disappointment took over. I wasn’t going to find the watch, our son wouldn’t have a nice gift to take him into the future.

            Imagine my relief when the rectangular box finally appeared!

            And it was unsoiled, a true miracle.

            I tucked it under my sweatshirt and carried it inside and down the hall. I hastily wrapped it, then hid it behind the tree when no one was looking.

            When our son discovered it, unwrapped it, opened the box, his face lit up!

Childhood Memories

            When I was beginning fourth grade, my family moved from Dayton, Ohio, to a rural part of the state: Beavercreek.

            I wasn’t sad to move because the only girls on the street humiliated me over and over, all because I was fat and poor. They’d invite me over, then insisted on playing Wheelbarrow. It’s an embarrassing game, in which one player walks on hands while the other two players lift the feet up high, creating a human wheelbarrow. It’s not like the intent was to gather things, but rather to split the legs apart, showing the crotch.

            I was always the wheelbarrow, even after complaining, whining, really, that it was someone else’s turn. Whenever I crossed the street to play, I made sure my bottom wasn’t damp or stained or smelly. It wasn’t until this had gone on for several weeks that it finally dawned on me that those two girls weren’t looking for a friend, but someone to ridicule.

            When my parents announced that we were moving, I was excited to get away from those awful girls. My hope was that I’d make new friends. It also meant starting over in a new school, which I looked forward to.

            In my current class, I was the dumbest kid. From the time I enrolled in the Catholic Elementary, I was well behind in first grade. I fell further behind in second. Before the principal would let me return for third grade, I had to have my eyes examined.

            No surprise: I couldn’t see long distance, which meant I’d never read even a single word the teacher had written on the board. And close-up I dealt with a severe astigmatism that made the rows of letters buckle and slant. Once I had glasses, things became somewhat easier, but I was so far behind that there was little hope of catching up.

            The new house meant a new school.

            The girls in that class, at a different Catholic school, were just as mean as in my previous school. Not one befriended me. Not one invited me for birthday parties. I was pretty lonely, and spent playground time either walking the perimeter of the blacktopped area, or assigning myself to lunchtime tutoring. I preferred the tutoring as that nun was kind and helpful.

            Just as things were looking up for me, my brother and I got permission to explore the woods behind our house.

            We spent countless hours deep in the forest, imagining that we were explorers. We’d climb trees, well, my brother would climb pretty high whereas I’d get one foot off the ground.

            By this time I’d taught myself to read, and since my brother, who was one year older, needed the library to research, I got to go along and check out books.

            I refused the picture books as they were for babies. I wanted to read about what I then called Indians, to learn where they lived, what they ate, how they dressed, anything and everything.

It was that interest that introduced me to the idea of a treehouse.

I decided to build one in a spindly tree at the end of our yard.

My brother and I had spotted lots of downed wood on the forest, but we never carted any of it home. I wasn’t allowed in there by myself, so I raided my dad’s supply of boards and nails he kept in the garage.

The nails went into the pockets of my shorts, along with the hammer. I balanced the boards on my right shoulder, held in place with both hands.

I spread the boards out in front of the tree, arranged from smallest to longest.

With one hand on the tree, I lifted my right leg as high as it could comfortably go. That was where the first step would go. Using a nail, I scratched a mark in the bark.

I placed the first board on top of the mark and held it in place with my hip. I had put the nail in my mouth, so now I rested it toward the center of the board. I took the hammer out of my pocket, and while leaning against the tree, pressing the board against its bark, I struck the nail.

It seemed to pierce the board. I hit it again and again, the nail moving a tiny bit each time.

And then it bent over. I was angry, but convinced myself that it had actually gone in far enough. I added a second nail, not too far from the first.

The step was a bit wobbly, but in my little girl’s mind, it would do.

I added a second board, just above the first. It too, had bent nails.

Then with a huge stretch, I added a third, equally wobbly, but I shrugged it off.

The time had come to begin the climb. Holding a longer board in one hand, nails and the hammer in my pocket, I reached up to the second board, raised my right foot, and pulled.

I got it up on the first step, quite pleased with myself.

I pulled hard enough to get my left foot off the ground, but just as I was suspended in air, the first board broke. I fell.

And as I feel, the sharp edge of a bent nail sliced down my left arm, leaving a bright red streak. Blood seeped through, at first random spots of red. Quickly it turned into a small stream.

I knew my parents would be angry, so I couldn’t let either of them see what had happened. I wrapped my arm in my shirt and ran for the house.

My mother had a rule that my brother and I had to stay in one place all morning long, changing locations only when it was time for lunch.

My brother had gone to the garage where he loved tinkering with a transistor radio that he had built, so I didn’t have to worry about him.

My mom had eagle eyes and the hearing of a bat. And when angry, as ferocious as a lion.

She terrified me.

That meant I had to get inside without letting her know. I opened the screen door slowly carefully to keep it from squeaking. Once inside, I crept down the hall, avoiding the known noisy spots.

Somehow I made it to the bathroom without disturbing my mom. I knew how to care for an injury, so I got down the mercurochrome and the box of bandages. I cleaned the cut with soap, covered it with the mercurochrome and then a slew of bandages.

I snuck down the hall and back outside. Using the hammer, I removed all the nails, stacked up the boards and carried everything back to the garage, all the while worrying not about a potential infection, but how hard of a spanking I would receive.

Fortunately my brother was out riding his bike, so he didn’t see me sneak in. It also meant he couldn’t tattle on me, either.

Somehow, I got away with it.

The cut didn’t get infected, no one said anything about why I wore long-sleeved blouses in the summer, and my dad never counted boards.

For many years I wore a scar on my right arm. In time it faded away, but the memory of what I had tried to do never left me.

Genuine

            Andrea loved walking the streets of New York City. The colors, the lights, the excited milling crowds enthralled her.

            She’d planned on a short, three-day stay, long enough to see some of the sights, but not too long to tax her budget. For months, Andrea researched things to do in the city, narrowing her list down to what she hoped was doable.

            A friend had told Andrea to get up early in the morning, join the line at the Thx booth in order to score reduced price tickets for Broadway plays. While she stood there, the air brisk and fog spewing out of everyone’s mouths, a light rain began to fall.

            Venders appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, lost-cost umbrellas being hawked.

            At first Andrea refused, but the longer she stood in the slow-moving line, the harder it rained. She chose a pink one, not her favorite color, but one that would stand out in the crowd.

            She was elated to get a ticket to one of the many shows she’d hoped to see, a spin-off of a romantic comedy she’d read years ago.

            That done, she spent the morning shopping for little gifts to bring home to her family and friends. A couple of keychains for Danny and Michelle, partners at work. Friendship bracelets for her cousin’s twin girls. A holographic image of the city’s skyline for her boss, to add the her collection displayed in the bookcase behind her desk.

            Laden with a variety of small, colorful bags, Andrea stepped into a pop-up Taco restaurant that smelled so delicious that she couldn’t pass it up.

            They sold only three varieties: shredded beef, diced grilled chicken, and a veggie combination that Andrea should have chosen, but didn’t. Not knowing how large the taco would be, she bought two: beef and chicken. Both were delicious.

            A glance at her watch told her she had enough time to get to her hotel, drop off her purchases, and get in line at the theater. Hurrying through the crowded streets, she was jostled repeatedly, but because she’d been warned, Andrea clutched everything close to her chest.

            One rid of her bags, she headed north on Broadway, mesmerized by the flashing, colorful, larger-than-life displays.

Just as she found the theater and got in line, a well-dressed man appeared on her right side.

“Are you interested in jewelry, mam?”

Andrea stared ahead, hoping to discourage him.

The line moved forward, just enough to leave a gap between her and the couple in front. The man filled that gap, a gap-toothed grin lighting up his face.

Andrea’s eyes looked him up and down, even though she tried not to. He was well-built, clean-shaven, dressed in clean jeans and a button-down collar shirt. His skin had a pleasant tan that was enhanced by bright yellow hair.

If she’d met him under different circumstances, she would have been interested in a first date. Maybe a second or third. Heck, she thought, perhaps even marriage!

Andrea knew he was a hustler, but was so intrigued by him that she actually looked at the bracelets he pulled out of a jacket pocket.

“Which do you like best?” he asked as he moved his arm back and forth, allowing them to glitter in the sun.

Andrea pinched her lips and shook her head. She knew better than to buy purloined goods, so when the line moved forward, she turned her eyes away.

“Do you like turquoise and silver?” He leaned forward, placing his head very close to hers.

Andrea smiled. Yes, she did, she wanted to say, but there’s no way it could be made of real stones and actual silver.

The man slid the bracelet off his arm and brought it closer to Andrea’s eyes. “I’ll sell it to you at a good price.” He beamed. “And, just for the heck of it,” he said as he reached into his coat pocket, “I’ll throw in the matching necklace for just five dollars more.”

She’d always wanted a turquoise and silver necklace and bracelet, but found them too expensive for her teacher’s salary. But, this pair was incredibly beautiful. The craftsmanship seemed refined, as if done by a silversmith working in a home studio.

Her heart pounded, telling her to touch it, just to see.

The line moved forward, much quicker this time. She was close to the door. The time to decide had arisen.

“Are the stones real?”

The man beamed.

Despite knowing better, Andrea bought them both. As she slid the bracelet onto her arm and placed the necklace inside her purse, she felt quite pleased with herself.

Over and over she told herself they were genuine materials. That she’d scored a bargain. That she’d never tell her friends that she’d fallen for a scam.

There was, after all, the possibility that they were real.

Existing with Long Covid

            Back in October 2023 I flew to Arizona to visit my long-time friend. We had a wonderful time, visiting a zoo, aquarium, bookstores and driving all over the Phoenix area. We were never caught in a crowd, even at restaurants.

            On the flight down I wore my mask the entire time. I intended to do the same on my flight back home, but my asthma was acting up, and I had no choice but to take it off.

            Three days later I tested positive for Covid. My doctor put me on meds that left a nasty taste in my mouth, but did help me get better faster.

            Unfortunately, the symptoms never went away. Brain Fog took away my ability to write and made it challenging for me to process the written word. I got agitated in crowds, so much so that I couldn’t think, make rational choices, and often found myself leaving lunch dates early.

            I spent hours on the couch, lacking the strength to hold a book. Every morning, I went to the gym, but seemed to get weaker and weaker as the days went by. Before long Covid blindsided me, I could lift ten pounds with one arm, twenty-five with two.

            Things got so bad that lifting a light-weight ball wore me out.

            My doctor referred me to a Physical Therapist who knew less about long Covid than I did. I told him about PEMS, Physical Exercise Malaise Syndrome, a condition that leaves a person weaker after exercise than they were before. I only saw him twice because he had nothing to offer.

            I was given an exploratory medication to take every night. It made a difference after a few days, then as weeks went by, I seemed to improve more and more.

            I was able to write again, but only in short segments. At first I’d work until my head felt like it was going to explode, give up, and go rest on the couch.

            Now I write for a bit, go do something else, write some more, do something else, and so on. I’ve been able to finish a short story!

            I used the same strategy with reading. I read for a bit, change activities, read some more. I can now read for about fifteen minutes at a time.

            I discovered that I could often get an audible copy of books I was reading. I’d listen to then in the car, at the gym, and at home when the TV wasn’t on. Switching between text and voice helped me get back my understanding of words.

            Some days I am able to do quite a bit at the gym. I begin working with weights. Pre-long Covid, I’d do three sets of ten. The PT said to reduce how many repetitions in a set (his one good piece of advice). So I’d lift five times, rest, five more, for two sets.

            Now most days I can complete two sets of eight. And I’ve gone from playing with balloons to five-pound weights.

            What I’ve learned is that I have to read my body. Some days I am still couch-bound. My joints hurt, my arms and legs too heavy to lift. On those days, all I can do is curl up and play games on my iPad.

            When walking with my friend or my husband, some days I can only make it to the bridge. Other days I can cover the entire loop.

            The same with swimming. I used to swim 32 laps, or half a mile. Once long Covid hit, I could only do four laps, not worth the bother. As time passed, I worked up to twelve laps: on good days. Last week I was exhausted after six.

            It feels as if I’m improving slowly, a little bit day by day. It’s two steps forward, one step back. Or maybe one step forward, one step back.

            My advice to anyone suffering with long Covid is to not give up. Don’t sink into the couch and stop living. Visit understanding friends who will work with you, going places when you have the energy, hanging out together when you don’t.

            Don’t quit trying. Instead do something you enjoy for a few minutes, come back to it after a bit of a rest.

            Ask for support. Call on family and friends to help with chores. That way the build-up of dust won’t bring you down. Maybe they can cook something for you, or drop food off, so you’re not stuck eating whatever junk food happens to be lying around.

            Get out of your house every day. If the weather is bad, walk inside a shopping center. When it’s good, walk your neighborhood, if it’s flat, or try out others for a change. Begin going around the block, then slowly going a tad further.

            Don’t give up when you have a bad day.

            Shrug it off, then the next morning get up with renewed determination.

            You can exist with long Covid. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

Faith is My Rock

Fortunately, faith is my foundation.

Admittedly, I frequently fail.

Independently, however, I am nothing.

Truthfully, the Lord sits on my shoulder.

Hesitatingly, I listen before acting.

Inevitably, I stumble again and again.

Stupefyingly, He never crosses me off His list.

Miraculously, He trusts that I will do right.

Yearningly, my eyes plead for understanding.

Rigidly, He hangs on to my heart.

Occasionally, He allows me to slip.

Consequently, I lean a little harder.

Knowingly, then, He simply smiles.