There’s something sweet about running into friends you haven’t seen in twenty years. A magnetic pull draws your eyes on each other, there’s the tilting of heads and wondering, is that…? And then you think about it some more, glancing at her face, looking for a tidbit of recognition.
What’s incredible is the joy you feel when you remember Judy, how kindly she treated you, how she welcomed you into her group of friends.
Going way back in time, I was hired to teach a Special Day Class at an elementary in Newark, California. This would be my first job as a special education instructor, with just six credits behind me. I’d been teaching for over a decade by then, but always with “regular” education students.
I knew how to deliver instruction to them, but had only research and whatever I’d gleaned from the two college-level courses I’d taken.
My students were fourth and fifth graders. All needy, all with severe learning disabilities that impacted academic work. But out on the playground, they were “normal” kids wanting to have “normal” friends.
Think back to your school years. Nine and ten years olds can be mean. They target the weak and different. They exclude anyone who might impact their own social status. They won’t eat lunch with them, include them in playground games, and don’t like it when “those” kids enter their classroom for shared lessons.
I could deal with that. I taught my students about bullies, taught them how to ask to join, taught them how to act in public.
I integrated them into “regular” classrooms whenever possible, something every special education student has a right to do.
What I didn’t expect was to be ostracized by my peers, those teaching the same age students that sat in my classroom.
A very definite clique existed. There was a group of about five teachers who sat in the same seats during lunch and meetings. They spoke only to group members. They shared curriculum ideas only with group members.
When gatherings evidence for a state-mandated review, they highlighted the achievements of their students, and even though I submitted my students’ work, none of it showed up in the finished binder.
They planned fieldtrips for all fourth graders, but didn’t include mine. Same with the fifth graders. At the end of the school year their classes organized a picnic at the local park. As in every other way, my students weren’t included. In fact, if I hadn’t overheard them talking, I wouldn’t have known about it.
I didn’t feel welcome.
The lower grades were clustered on the east side of the campus. I could look out my classroom window and see them coming and going. I could hear the joyous sounds of the children and wish that my students could experience that same joy.
Since I was an outcast during lunch and meetings, I often found myself seated near the lower-grade teachers. They were warm and welcoming. When I needed help, unlike the clique, they were there for me.
They welcomed my students into their classes and treated them as equals.
They became my friends.
When our principal announced his retirement, at the same time, my Director of Special Education offered me a position at the high school, something I’d wanted for years. I declined, not wanting to leave those lower-grade friends.
A few weeks later, the new principal was introduced. She was a member of the clique, the one who refused to include my students’ work in the binder, the one who only looked at me with disdain, the one who didn’t want my students integrated with hers.
I contacted the Director and accepted the transfer. But I told no one.
I didn’t want a fake goodbye party or cards or a cake. I didn’t want to be treated to a lunch. Why should I? Only one of the upper grade teachers ever “saw” me or my students.
So when the year ended, the last meetings had been held, when most teachers had cleaned up and gone home, I packed my things on a weekend, and left. Period.
Today my friend Judy told me that my friends had wondered what had happened to me, why I left without saying goodbye.
She was sad when I told her. She said that none of them knew what had happened, how my students were ostracized and how rudely I’d been treated.
What’s wonderful is that we reconnected immediately. Before today’s lunch ended, we’d exchange phone numbers and promise to get together.
As I was driving home, my eyes filled with tears. I am looking forward to seeing them, catching up and being included in a social circle that I thought had long ago forgotten who I was.
What’s weird is that I know her husband through a writers’ group, but I had never connected his last name with someone from my past.
Reunions can be sweet, and this one certainly was.
Words and Thoughts 