Resolutions

            I was quite small when I learned that I was supposed to go the New Year with a set of resolutions guaranteed to make improvements, physically and mentally. The idea intrigued me. Just think, by choosing the right goals and sticking to them, in one year I would be a better person!

            Most likely my early resolutions were designed to keep me out of trouble. Things like keeping my mouth shut and staying out of trouble. While I was not what you would consider a bad kid, I had a tendency, only at home, to speak up in defense of myself when falsely accused of something most likely done by one of my siblings.    

I didn’t understand that resolutions should be achievable, so I chose goals so high, so difficult, that there was no way I could accomplish them.

            I remember a rocky period in my life when I had recently turned fourteen. At that time, I shared a room with my younger sister, the slob. She’d never make her bed or pick up her dirty clothes. Her half of the room was a complete mess while I was expected to keep my side neat as a pin, as my mother said.

I ignored the mess as much as I could, until the piles got to big and I made the mistake of yelling at my sister.

She wasn’t the one who got in trouble. When she tattled, my mother stormed into the bedroom and informed me it was my responsibility to keep the entire room clean. I spouted off some complaint about the unfairness of the demand and so my mother took away my radio. That I had bought with my one money.

New Year’s was approaching, and since I was still angry, I promised myself I’d sit in my room and keep quiet. I truly believed that I’d be able to keep this resolution as it meant I’d be out of sight, out of mind.

            Of course, it didn’t work. Instead of calming me down, my insides churned with suppressed rage. I reminded myself, over and over when I’d be accused of doing whatever, to keep my mouth shut, but the unjustness caused me to explode and then my punishment would be increased.

            As I grew older and supposedly wiser, I chose resolutions that should have been doable. For example, losing weight. I was tired of being the fattest girl on campus. I was motivated and so watched not just what I ate, but how much. I walked as much as possible, even on cold and rainy days. But when not a single pound fell off, I gave up, considering myself a failure yet again.

            In time I learned that I was incapable of sticking to resolutions and so gave up. In one of my teaching-preparation classes, I learned about self-fulling prophecies. If I told myself I would fail, then I would. What I never embraced was that if I believed I’d succeed, then I would.

            To this day I do not choose resolutions, even though there are many that would be good for me. Instead of dooming myself to repeated failure, I avoid the tradition altogether.

            Resolutions are just not for me.

Shopping for a Phone

            At first I was proud of not having a cell phone. It was like a badge of honor. Both my husband and I felt that if someone wanted to call us, they’d use our landline. It worked just fine and there was an answering machine attached to it.

            Then I went away to a writer’s conference. It was a long, five-hour drive south. Portions of the road were desolate: nothing out there for miles. Potions took me past cities and growing housing developments. I was only slightly worried about what I would do if something happened to my car.

            The next conference took me north into the redwoods along California’s coast. For the most part I was on a freeway that passed through cities where help could be found if needed. The last stretch was a winding, twisting narrow road toward the coast. It anything had happened there, I would have been dependent upon whoever took pity on me. It was a sobering thought.

            During the 2010 Census my husband got hired and had to spend hours in the field. He needed to be able to make and receive calls. We went to a provider and he bought a cheap phone (less than $20). It did the job so well that we went back and got one for me.

            While I seldom used that phone, it was, after all, for emergency use only, I soon discovered the joys of being able to call my husband whenever I was away.

            About two years ago we switched providers. A commercial appeared on television that said I could add a cell phone for $10 a month! I was overjoyed.

            I researched the various phones that the provider sold and settled on an iPhone SE. It was all I’d need.

            We went to the store, I held the phone and knew it would do. But…it was sold out. I panicked. I knew that if I didn’t get a phone then, I might never get one. So I chose the phone closest in price. It was not an iPhone.

            From the time I got it home I hated it. It was slow and awkward to use. It took forever to come on, it was hard to take pictures with it and it was slow when making phone calls. Texting was sheer torture. So I seldom turned it on.

            A few months ago I researched how to trade it in for an iPhone with our provider. It wouldn’t be all that hard and I’d get something in trade. But when I suggested to my husband that I wanted to do this, he said there was nothing wrong with my phone. (He had never tried to use it!)

            So I kept the thing in my purse but didn’t use it.

            Recently my daughter had an opportunity to check out my phone. She confirmed all of my complaints. It was slow and awkward. It jiggled when you took photos. It was hard to punch the right circle to make it do what you wanted it to do.

            She also told me that I could get an older iPhone for a little over $100.

            I was in agreement and after hearing my daughter’s complaints, my husband finally understood.

            While on vacation my daughter arranged for me to try out a phone that her Bishop was selling. I loved it! I am used to an iPad, so there was no learning curve as there had been with my current cell phone.

            There was one problem, however: you could only hear the person on the other end if the phone was on speaker. I hate speaker phone, so this was a huge problem.

            Thus began an online search.

            I discovered a trusted vendor sold phones that carried a 90-day warranty. My daughter and I perused the offerings. I’d find one, then it would be sold. She’d find one, then it too would be gone.

            This morning we finally found what I wanted! An iPhone 6s Plus is now on the way! I can hardly wait to for it to arrive.

            Way back when I panicked and bought my current phone, I should have taken the time to look at what iPhones they did have in stock. If I had, perhaps I would have been using my phone like other people do, as an extension of my arm instead of something stuck in my purse.

            It goes to show that panic buying is not the best choice.

            This is an apt metaphor for life.

            Anytime a person makes decisions on the fly, there’s a good possibility that she might later regret not taking the time to analyze, to be rational and careful.

Regret is a powerful emotion. Often times such decisions cannot be undone. They can cause irreparable harm, destroy relationships, cause a lost job or friendship.

It’s better to take time and make the right decision from the beginning.

I wish I had.

Choosing the Sunny Path

On any given day we are bombarded with stories of fear and intimidation, of cruelty and loss. When we read them, sadness fills our soul. That’s the expected reaction because if we didn’t experience the horror, one might question our inner light.

It’s not easy to push those thoughts aside especially when they are replayed over and over on social media. We can choose to learn from what evil others do and behave in some way to counteract the actions that offend us or we swallow it down, sending it deep inside us.

Being an activist is not easy. It takes courage to stand up for one’s beliefs knowing that out there are people who will spit on you, call you offensive names and even threaten your life. We should applaud those we choose to disregard the safety of their lives in order to bring injustices to the forefront, thereby forcing the public to rethink attitudes and beliefs.

The sunny path is not always smooth. There are pitfalls that can suck you in and hold you there, consumed by despair. You can sit there and wallow or pull yourself up and continue down the path.

Soon another obstacle will arise, making you choose, once again, how you will react. Too many roadblocks might cause you to give up. But if you jump over each, if you move one person to act with you, if you change one mind, think of the rewards.

No one will give you a medal, but many will follow in your shoes.

That’s why we choose to walk in the sunshine: to feel goodness and light, joy and power.