I Look at You

Every morning, I sit across from you, staring at the doughnut crumbs clinging to the corners of your lips. Or stuck to your chin. Or pasted to your blue tie (it’s always a blue tie!)

I wonder why your parents didn’t teach you proper use of a napkin. Or personal hygiene. For it’s not just the crumbs, but the shiny hair (what’s left of it), that stinks up the small meeting room. (I can smell you from here!)

And the moldy smell of damp clothes left to rot in the washing machine for days on end.

Fortunately, I can look out the window behind your back, something I do in order to avoid your moonstruck eyes as you stare at me, a woman old enough to be your grandmother.

There’s nothing appealing about you. Nothing that would entice me to spend time with you outside of the daily meeting. Nothing that would inspire me to sit next to you during lunch or walk down the hall with you as we return to our various cubicles.

I stare out the window, entranced by the clouds like matted white fur that race by. They remind me of the stray cat that wandered into my garage too many years ago to count. The poor thing looked like an alien: it’s luminescent green eyes summoned images of space invaders staring into human residences.

I’d scooped it up in a towel and carried it inside the house. Using a damp cloth I’d removed some of the filth- but then the cat wriggled away before the job was complete.

A trip to the vet helped. The technician sprayed the cat with something…not sure what…and then combed and combed and combed.

After an examination, I learned that it was female. Fluffy seemed like an appropriate name. Now that she was clean, she was a ball of white fur.

The boss says something that draws me back to the meeting. Something about reports and accounting mistakes that I care nothing about. You guffaw even though no one else does. I look, because it’s too compelling not to, to discover that you’ve got white fur clinging to your black suit jacket.

I know you’ve got a dog, because you’ve bored us all with too many photos of the thing. It’s a miniature something. One of those long-haired things with four-inch legs and eyes buried beneath layer upon layer of fur. Rover. That’s its name. Weird choice since there’s nothing roverish about it.

I tried to like you after seeing how much you cared about the dog. After all, a huge, burly man cuddling a tiny dog does something to the heart. But I can’t get past the daily crumbs and the filthy hair and the disgusting smell.

I sit here, across from you. day after day, assaulted by your stench.

Stones

I bent over to pick up a small, pink stone

It glittered in the early morning sun,

Speaking a sunrises and sunsets,

 A baby’s scalp after a bath

The underbelly of my cat.

I slipped it into my jacket pocket

It’s weight negligible

At the crest of a hill a striated rock caught my attention.

The dark lines, close to the purple of my bedspread,

Seemed darkly ominous

But I didn’t know why.

A stone cannot harm me unless tossed in my face.

It bears no ill-will and harbors no grudges.

Yet if frightened me so much so that I hurried away.

At the bottom of a lake a cluster of green stones called my name.

They were quite lovely, speaking of life and growth and wealth

And health and all things good.

I yearned to take just one.

But if I did, would the pile change?

Would it no longer speak to the next passerby?

I sat on a fallen log, weighing whether or not to slip

The smallest one into my pocket.

Until a scrub jay warned me.

At the top of the mountain, I crossed a plane

Of striated rocks.

What caused the unusual markings?

Fire? Rain? Snow? Glaciers?

Perhaps all four.

I had to touch the smooth surface,

Wanting to know, to understand,

How they came to be.

I closed my eyes, raised my head toward the sky

And listened.

For what I did not know.

I stood there for what seemed like a long time.

When no voice filled my ears, I shook off the feeling

Of foreboding that had come over me.

These rocks, this hill, offered only a sense of

Ill will.

I shouldered my pack and retraced my steps.

Just as I closed my car door, lightning lit up the sky

And thunder roared all around me

As I rubbed the two little stones

Nestled in the warmth of my coat.

In Charge

            The blitzel stopped working. It started just fine: the engine whirred and the tumbler tumbled. But then, with a screech and a shudder, the machine gave up.

            The chief machbelly ran into the engine room, shouting, “The blitzel isn’t processing the data! The entire project will be ruined.” She glowered at the engineering staff, her face glowing redder than usual in the operating room’s lights.

            Stan, the operator, shrugged, shook his bald head, and flipped an entire row of switches, one by one. “Nothing’s working.” His deep voice reverberated around the room, echoing over and over, slowly fading into gibberish.

            “Try harder.” The chief machbelly placed her heavy hand on Stan’s shoulder.

            “I’m ding the best I can.” Stan’s voice dropped to a whimper.

            “Well, it’s not good enough. Fix it, or you’re fired.”

            Stan rolled his desk chair back two feet and stood, crossing his beefy arms over his huge belly.  “If you’re so velitious, you do it.”

            The chief machbelly crossed her arms over her chest, matching the engineer’s stance. Clearly a showdown was in place and she was determined to win. “You’re the operator, no, I mean engineer. I’m the boss.”

            Stan chuckled, shook his head, and said, “I’m out of here.”

            “If you leave, don’t comeback.”

            The door slowly shut, leaving the chief machbelly alone in the air-conditioned room, surrounded by numerous gauges and dials. She had never run the blitzel and knew nothing about how it worked, but she was determined to succeed.

            She rubbed her hands together, leaned over the console, located the compression dial and turned. One notch. Then two. She rotated the power knob to the left, the one click more.

            The blitzel remained silent.

            She tapped each of the ten gauges, saying through gritted teeth, “You must work. You must work.”

            The chief machbelly jumped back when the console shivered, groaned, squealed then emitted a blood-curdling yeow.

            Pressure increased, slowly, slowly, slowly. The power gauge moved upward. The voltage likewise increased.

            And then…and then, the blitzel roared to life.

            The chief machbelly rubbed her palms together. “I don’t need Stan or anyone else,” she said. And then smoke streamed out from under the desk. A nose-twitching stench that slowly filled the operating room.

            Flames reached toward the ceiling as the chief machbelly ran out of the room.

            Stan laughed at her smudged face.

            “I guess you do need me afterall.”

            The chief machbelly waved her right hand at the door. “Get in there and fix it. Now!”

            “Only if you give me a substantial raise.”

            The stench began filling the outer office.

After receiving a written promise, Stan returned to the operating room, a smug smile lighting up his face.

Roses

My mother loved roses

It made no difference the color or the heritage

Whether they climbed or grew in a bush

She carefully tended each plant

As if it was a child, a baby

Needing nurturing to grow.

She’d buy several new plants each season

Dig the holes and line them with mulch

The roots would be unbound, then settled.

I wanted to be her rose

To be carefully tended

Nurtured, like the child I once was

I didn’t need her to buy me anything

But I yearned for her to create places

For me to learn, love and grow

I wanted her love

Needed her love

And cried when she didn’t deliver.

What the Heck?

            Suzanne Pelletier stomped into the classroom, smelling like cigarettes and violence. Her legs, encased in a blue pencil skirt, moved in short, choppy waves of anger. A matching blue blazer, all three buttons done up, strained against her bulging chest. A falling-apart bun dripped off the back of her head, and when combined with the smear of blood-red lipstick running across her cheeks, she presented herself more as a monster than a mother.

            At the front of the classroom, Mrs. Stevenson stood abruptly, her purple grading pen slowly rolling off the edge of her desk. It landed on the linoleum floor with a resounding plink.

Her calm confidence was strengthened by her attire: a pretty butterfly blouse with matching black slacks. Whereas Mrs. Pelletier towered over her, thanks to stiletto heels, the teacher’s feet were ensconced in a comfortable pair of Hoka tennis shoes.

            “Mrs. Pelletier,” Stevenson said, “I wasn’t expecting you.” She leaned forward, a welcoming smile on her face. “How can I help you?”

            Pelletier marched up to the desk, slammed her bulky purse on top, sending student papers flying, intermixing with dust motes the angry woman had stirred up.

            “You. Should. Be. Ashamed,” Pelletier said. Spittle flew, splatting against the teacher’s face. Globs dripped down, creating a Halloween-like mask. “No, you should be fired and chased out of town.”

            Stevenson wiped her face with tissues she’d pulled from a box. She dropped them unceremoniously into a trash can. She indicated they sit at a student table. “I don’t understand why you’re angry. Please, let’s talk.”

            Pelletier planted her hands on her ample hips. Her glower extended from eyebrows to hairline. “You should be fired! You should be chased out of town.”

            “Perhaps once you explain, I’ll be able to answer your concerns.” The teacher sat in one of the metal folding chairs that her student’s used. She pointed to the chair opposite her.

            The angry woman plopped into the chair, sending it’s neighbor skittering to the left. She wrapped her arms around what the teacher realized was a Louis Vuitton bag. The handles folded in on themselves, now looking more like a wet noodle than an expensive hunk of whatever.

            “Uh, why don’t we talk about your concerns?”

            Mrs. Pelletier clutched her bag even tighter to her chest, flattening it so nearly that it appeared to be empty. “You are a heathen, plain and simple. You are corrupting my son with your liberal thinking.” She sat back so forcefully that the front legs of the chair lifted, just a tad, off the floor.

            “Please don’t lean back like that,” Ms. Stevens said. “Many students have found out that these chairs tip quite easily.”

            “Don’t distract me!” Pelletier’s face crimsoned, her eyes narrowed and her lips turned into harsh lines.

            Ms. Stevens drew in a slow breath, then fought off the cigarette-induced coughs that threatened to burst forth. The son, Christopher, had said that his mother chained-smoked despite it triggering repeated asthma attacks.

            “I’m interested in specifics, Mrs. Pelletier. Can you give me a concrete example so I can understand your concerns?”

            Pelletier pulled a tattered copy of Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men from her purse. Held it aloft. Waved it as if a wind was ripping through the classroom. “Heresy. Murder. Racial mixing. Denigrating stereotypes of white men.” She ruffled the pages. “It’s all in here. And you expect my son to read this.” She slammed the book down on the table.

            Ms. Stevens gave a little twitch to her shoulders to release the tension developing there. Plus to buy time to think. It didn’t work. The tightness spread down her spine, all the way to her now-curling toes.

            “The novel is required reading for all ninth graders in the state.” She nodded to reinforce the truth of her statement. When the woman’s face didn’t lose its vibrant red coloration, she said, “but if you don’t want Chrostopher to read it, he can choose an alternate novel.”

            This was true, and if the parent had read the Student Handbook that the district gave to every family, or bothered to read the course syllabus that Ms. Stevens handed out on the first day of school, Mrs. Pelletier would have known this.

            Shock registered in the parent’s eyes: the widening pupils was a dead giveaway. Stevens allowed herself a moment of self-satisfaction. She’d outwitted the woman. She’d crushed her anger into smithereens.

            “Mrs. Pelletier, did you have an alternate in mind?”

            The woman shook her head slightly. Her cheeks puffed out, her lips pursed and her breathing became ragged. “Well, no. That’s your job.”

            Ms. Stevens walked over to a bookcase at the back of the classroom. She pulled out two hard-bound novels and placed them in front of Mrs. Pelletier before returning to her seat. “Are either of these okay?”

            “I…I’m not familiar with them, so I don’t know.”

            Stevens held out her hand, smiled when the parent placed both in her open palm. “This one, Mikey, covers a trial in which a young boy is accused of assisting in the murder of a storeowner. My students enjoy the novel.” She opened the book, turned it around so the parent could see. “Parts are written in screenplay format. While most of my students aren’t familiar with this style, once they understand, they can’t stop reading.”

            Pelletier shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s till murder, right? How is that different from this book?” She pointed to the Steinbeck novel.

            “There’s a big difference.” The teacher sat back in her chair as her face lit up with satisfaction. “The time period, for one. The book I assigned took place in the 1930s, while this one,” she touched Mikey, is contemporary. The first one is set on a ranch in the Salinas Valley, while the other happens in Manhattan.”

            “How about the other one?” Mrs. Pelletier was visibly deflating as time passed. Her shoulders slumped, causing her head to dip toward her chin.

            “Dragon Fire” is set in a fantasy world. My students seem to watch a lot of movies in the genre, so find it quite fascinating.”

            Pelletier sighed. Shook her head. “Don’t tell me there’s a murder in this one as well?”

            “It’s fantasy, as I said.” Mrs. Stevens forced a smile on her face. A flimsy attempt, to be sure, but with any luck, the parent might not notice. “You’ve seen fantasy movies?”

            “Oh, of course. Our family loved the Generations series.” A light of amusement seemed to fill her eyes.

            Stevens shrugged. Tilted her head slightly. “Then you know what they’re about. Domination. Subjugation. Fight over mineral elements. Rallying the troops.”

            The parent sat back in the chair. Her chest seemed to cave inward. “I can’t win this argument, can I.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of defeat.

            “Oh, yes you can.” Stevens’ eyes lit up. “You have the right to an alternate curriculum if you so demand. All you have to do is put your concerns in writing which you submit to the district office.”

            Pelletier’s hands trembled. “You want me to write a letter?”

            The teacher nodded. Leaned forward. Smiled. “Of course. The procedures are outlined in the Student Handbook.”

            Mrs. Pelletier checked her shiny gold watch. “I have an appointment across town.” She pushed back her chair, stood, smiled. “For now, Christopher can read that book.” She tucked it inside her purse.

            She spun around and slinked to the door.

            Mrs. Stevens returned to her desk and resumed correcting student papers.