A Halloween Memory

The only part of Halloween that I ever liked was the endless pursuit of free candy. From the time my brother and I were in middle school, we would roam miles from home knocking on doors on streets that we barely knew. It took us hours, and at times our pillow cases would become so heavy that we’d go home, empty them out, then head out again.

I hated wearing costumes. I disliked having my sight blocked by masks, I detested makeup, and despised trying to come up with something to wear that resembled a costume. My most frequent costume was that of a hobo as all I had to do was put on overalls.

When I was thirteen my middle school decided that it would celebrate Halloween and that all students were expected to dress in costume. I panicked when I heard the announcement. It was bad enough to walk about my neighborhood under cover of darkness. This would mean parading about campus under fluorescent lighting!

I worried about this for days. I was a painfully shy girl who never raised a hand to ask or answer a question in class, and now I was going to have to expose myself to potential ridicule if I chose to dress in an unpopular or outmoded outfit.

When time ran out, the only thing I could come up with was my mother’s WAC (Women’s Army Corp) uniform from World War II.

What seemed like a good idea when I got dressed in the morning, quickly became a terrifying experience once I arrived at school.

My teacher, thrilled to see the old uniform, made me stand in front of the class and share my mother’s story.

To make matters worse, much to my dismay, she sent me up and down the hall, dropping into every single classroom to share. At times I barely got out a few words as this required me to speak before students I did not know.

It was such a horrible experience that I did not go out trick-or-treating that night and for several years after.

Advice Column

Dear Martha:

My eight-year-old son got sent home early from school. Supposedly he pulled a girl’s ponytail so hard it made her cry. I don’t believe it. My son’s a kind-hearted kid.

He says the girl waves her hair in his face. That it touches his desk and gets in his way. All he was doing was moving it.

I’m angry that she didn’t get punished. It’s not fair. What can I do?

Angry Mother

 

Dear Angry Mother:

Imagine your son old enough to drive. He’s traveling close enough to the woman’s car in front of him that he can read all the stickers on her bumper. Suddenly she stops, without giving, what he thinks, is proper warning, so he smashes into her car, hurting her and damaging the car. Whose fault is that?

Instead of being angry at the girl in your son’s class and seeking to place blame elsewhere, teach your son to maintain a respectful distance, even when the hair is touching his desk.

He needs to learn alternative actions to hurting someone. For example, could he have said something to the teacher or asked to switch seats? Instead he pulled her hair which only got him in trouble.

Excusing an individual’s behavior, even at such a young age, can lead to a lifetime of excuses.

Martha