Just Another Shopping Trip

It’s amazing how quickly things can change in unwanted and unexpected ways. Here I was, merrily walking through the mall, minding my own business, enjoying an afternoon away from the pressures of work. I stopped off and on, as casual shoppers do, to admire the goods displayed in a store’s window. If an item caught my eye, in I marched, like a soldier on a reconnaissance mission.

Any large mall is a shopaholic’s paradise. Given a huge variety of stores, a dedicated shopper like myself could find any number of things to satisfy the palate. From slinky lingerie to elegant evening wear, exotic foods to handcrafted creations imported from far away lands, expensive gadgets to popular toys, something for everyone beckoned.

I’m the gazing and grazing type, and so it takes me quite a long time to travel from one end of a mall to the other, scanning one side, then back the opposite way, doing the same thing.

One Saturday, I set off early in the morning to allow ample opportunity to paw through the selections before the competition arrived. Fresh and alert, my personal radar efficiently eliminated unwanted items with barely a glance. Determined to score sale clothing suitable for work, I bypassed craft, food, and doodad stores and zeroed in on any business selling outfits in my size. And considering that I am not a thin woman, that narrowed down the options considerably.

In and out I went, sifting through displays of colorful blouses, monochromatic slacks, multicolored sweaters, and a variety of denim wear. Occasionally something called to me as loudly as my parents did when I was but a child. These items I cradled to my breast, tightly grasped so as not to inadvertently fall when I was distracted by some other equally enticing morsel.

When my arms could hold no more, I dashed into a dressing room. Giving each item due respect, I buttoned, snapped, zipped, and then inspected. Those pieces of clothing that adequately disguised my lumps and bumps went into the purchase pile. The others found themselves abandoned on the reject rack.

After a few hours of this, sensory overload set in. My hunter’s walk slipped into a meandering shuffle, and my desire to spend money morphed into a yearning for nothing more than a seat.

That’s when it happened. When my life took an unaccustomed turn. Laden with bags, I fell into the first empty bench that appeared. Numbness overtook mind and limbs. Eyes glazed over. Heart slowed. Totally relaxed, my normally hyper-protective guard took a vacation.

“May I sit here?”

“What?” When focus returned to my eyes, I discovered a kindly looking gentleman standing before me. Silver hair neatly combed, clothing clean and pressed, he smiled in a comforting way as he pointed to the remaining third of the bench.

“Sure,” I said as I moved my purchases to the floor between my legs.

“Having fun?”

“Oh. Yes.”

“Looks like it’s been a good day,” he said as he nodded toward my bags.

“I guess,” I shrugged.

“My daughter’s trying on clothes and I got tired of being her personal assistant. I told her to meet me out here.” His smile lit up his face.

“That’s nice.”

“Where do you live?”

At this point, alertness returned, reminding me to be careful. Despite the man’s polite mannerisms, something about him suddenly made me uncomfortable. Pretending that I did not hear the last question, I fiddled with my watch. “Look at the time! I’d better go. My husband is expecting me,” I lied. And blushed.

As I bent to loop my hands through the handles, the man said, “Let me help you with these.”

“No, thanks. I’ll be fine.” As I half-stood, butt in the air, head down, hands intertwined in the bags, something tugged on my purse. “Stop that!” I tried to turn, but the man grabbed hold of my hands, as if attempting to relieve me of my burden.

With a second, stronger tug, my purse flew from my grasp, over the back of the bench. I turned, screamed, leaned over, but could not grab my purse. Before I could make a move, a teenage girl, dressed in jeans and a gray hooded sweatshirt, sprinted away. “Stop that girl!” I hollered.

“Is there a problem?” The man asked as if nothing untoward had happened. At that moment he let go of my hands, stood and looked about as innocently as a young child who has just raided the cookie jar.

Sputtering with rage, I had a difficult time getting out the words. “That girl stole my purse. Call for help!”
Unfortunately, by now the girl was long gone, having turned the corner into the food court. “She’s heading toward Burger King,” I said as I hefted my purchases as easily as if they contained marshmallows and hastened after the girl.

“Wait,” the man said. “I’ll phone security.” He pulled out a cell phone and proceeded to dial, all the while holding on to my left elbow with a pincher’s grasp.

“Let me go,” I hissed as I attempted to wriggle free. “Let me go or I’ll scream.”

“Calm down. I’ve got security on the line.” He then went into a long explanation as to what occurred, including appropriate sounding pauses, yeas and nays. “I’ll tell her to stay here until you arrive. Thank you, officer.” With that he snapped shut his phone. “An officer will be here shortly. I gave them a good description of the girl. It sounds as if they caught her already and will be coming by to get you.”

“Thanks,” I warily said.

“Well, I’ve got to go. I see my daughter coming. Good luck getting your purse back,” he said with an endearing smile. As he walked away, I felt relief wash over me. The man had been a big help, or so I thought.

I stood in place, anxiously awaiting the arrival of a security guard. As minutes ticked away, with no one dressed in an officer’s uniform appearing, a sense of dread washed over me. Dismayed, every ounce of strength drained away, and so I collapsed onto the bench.

That’s when realization hit me square on the forehead. Not only was my purse gone, but as my eyes scanned my bags, I noticed that a number of them looked suspiciously empty.

I had heard about those who preyed on the elderly, but I am not that old. I had gotten scam phone calls at home and been able to fend off each and every one. But this was different. With his genteel mannerisms, the man had penetrated my defensive shield. His accomplice then moved in, ripped off my purse, and dashed away. With me in a tizzy and distracted by my purloined purse, the man had removed a few of my newly purchased possessions while pretending to call for help.

Tears poured down my face and sobs shook my shoulders. Disappointment in myself quickly replaced anger at being robbed, and so when disgust and frustration moved into my heart, I grabbed what goodies remained and headed toward the security station. Nearly blinded by my tears, I stumbled through the mall, brushing against strollers, displays, and planters.

“Can I help you? Do you need assistance?”

I blinked away the newest rush of tears to see a smiling face before me. With her neatly coiffed silver hair and kindly eyes, the woman offered a helping hand. As she gently relieved me of a few of my bags, she said, “Sit here. Let me get you a cold drink.” Following her directions, I collapsed into a wrought iron chair, grateful that someone was stepping up to help.

You would have thought that something inside of me might have registered alarm. After all, my whole world literally changed minutes before. Blithely enjoying my shopping extravaganza, I had let down my guard, only to be taken advantage of by a charming older man and his accomplice. Could it happen a second time? Surely not. And so I settled into the chair and allowed my rescuer to soothe me into compliance.

Sorry for not Posting!

I apologize for not giving you something new to read this week.

I’ve been a little busy.

This past weekend I attended a four-day writing conference in San Francisco. It was chock-full of writing tips from experts from all over the world. I especially enjoyed those sessions in which presenters read the first page of an author’s book and gave advice about how to improve the content, those in which plot, scene and story were discussed, and those that introduced self-publishing as a growing market.

I also had the opportunity to meet an Author Coach who will read my manuscript and plot out high and low points, plus several agents who are interested in receiving the first few pages of my book.

I promise to be back on schedule next week.

A Strange Revelation

 

“Hell found me.”

“What did you say?” Stan’s fork froze in mid-air. Spaghetti slowly oozed onto his plate, unnoticed.

“Hell found me,” repeated Grandpa Ellis. He leaned back in his chair, crossed his hands behind his head, and looked at the ceiling as if seeing a ghost.

“I don’t understand.” Stan pushed his long, brown hair off his forehead.

“For years now I’ve been waitin’ for Hell to catch up with me. I’d gotten pretty lazy, thinkin’ I’d outfoxed him. Last night he paid a call. Now I have to pay him back.”

Stan’s face took on the startled-hare look. He lowered his fork to his plate, picked up his napkin, and attempted to wipe sauce and noodles off his once clean shirt. Unsuccessful, he got up and went into the kitchen, his large boots reverberating with each step. “Let’s get this straight. Hell came to see you last night.”

“Yep, that’s right.”

“You owed him for something and now you’ve got to repay the debt,” Stan said as he dabbed a wet napkin on the stain.

“Yep,” Grandpa Ellis said. Dropping his arms on to the tabletop, his body deflated like a punctured balloon. “An’ I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“What kind of a debt do you owe?” Stan turned to face his grandfather. Frightened by the posture of defeat, something he’d never seen on his proud guardian, Stan rushed to the chair and knelt nearby. “Grandpa, start over. Tell me the story, please? Maybe I can help.”

“There’s nothin’ you can do. Nothin’ you can do. I lost. Hell said he’d catch up with me sometime. Now he’s here an’ there’s nothin’ I can do.” Silent sobs shook his shoulders. He buried his face in his large, calloused hands. “I’ve got to do this by myself, but you’re the one who’ll pay the price.”

Stan gently placed his right arm around his grandfather’s back, an action his grandfather had used when Stan was a small boy. “We can work it out, whatever it is. There is nothing that can break us up, and that’s all that matters. You’ve told me that a million times. Family is what counts in the world.”

Grandpa Ellis raised his tear-streaked face and looked deeply into his grandson’s eyes. “Let’s go sit on the porch so I can smoke. I’ll tell you the story.”

Both men stood and turned to walk outside. From the back, there was little difference between them, except for the grandfather’s head of white hair. Broad shoulders, trim torsos and muscular legs defined them as workingmen: ranching men. They even dressed in a similar manner: dusty jeans, plaid shirts, cowboy boots with spurs, and bandanas tied about the neck.

Not a word was said as they crossed the living room. Grandpa Ellis stopped to pick up his pipe, tobacco pouch, and a book of matches. Stan retrieved his whittling stick from the sideboard.

Out the front door the silent procession continued. Grandpa turned to the right, as usual, and settled into his accustomed chair. Stan turned to the left and sat on the porch swing.

After lighting his pipe and taking the first draw, Grandpa blew a huge smoke ring into the air. “A long time ago, before you were born, I was a rough man. I gambled, drank, an’ participated in shootin’ matches. I was mean as a rattler, an’ ornery as that old donkey out back. I loved my women, an’ ran with a tough crowd. We all acted like we was warriors, an’ I guess we were.

“One day we rode into a dusty little town. Big Ben, one of my friends, got it in his head to rob the bank. It was the manly thing to do, I guess. Now I want you to know I was against it from the start. I might have pushed the law a bit, but I’d never done nothin’ that would of landed me in jail.”

Grandpa blew a series of rings into the air and watched them rise, higher and higher until they disappeared into the porch roof.

“Did Big Ben rob the bank?”

“I’m a gettin’ there.” He drew again on his pipe, held the smoke for what seemed like an eternity, and then pushed out the tainted air with a whoosh. “Big Ben was big, but not too bright. Once he thought it’d be fun to walk acrost that train bridge over the Missouri, where it crosses Crag’s Canyon. He got halfway acrost when the train comes. He had to jump into the river below. He never got hurt with his crazy schemes, but his reputation was that of an idiot who could shoot like the dickens.

“So he sees this little ol’ bank, an’ says that it would be easy to break in. He says that he knows the sheriff is a fat ol’ man who’d rather sleep than chase crooks. He says that the banker goes home at five an’ nobody comes back ‘til early morn.

“So we go into the saloon acrost the street an’ buy ourselves a beer. We tell jokes, play cards, smoke a few, all the time keepin’ our eyes on that bank. This town is so small that no more than five folks walked past the window, an’ there’s only two other customers in the bar an’ they’re both cold drunk.

“Right on time, that banker comes out, closes the door, pulls a key out of his pocket, an’ locks the door. He walks away without lookin’ back. Within minutes the streets are empty. Nothin’ but dust and flies.

“By now we’ve put down a few beers an’ are feelin’ pretty powerful. It’s funny how drink does that to a guy. Blows him up an’ makes him feel like he can do anything.

“The sun goes down, like it’s doin’ now. Pretty as can be. Sky all orange and red an’ purple. Things get mighty quiet. The bartender wakes up the drunks an’ walks them out a the saloon. He tells us to pay up an’ leave, so we do.

“We walk around a bit, up an’ down the streets, checkin’ out the bank from all sides. Randy, the real bandit in our gang, figures out a way to break in. There’s a little window in the back, about ten feet up. Since I was the lightest, Randy’s idea was for Big Ben to lift me up on his shoulders, an’ then I’d open that window an’ go in. Once in, I’d run to the front an’ unlock the door. The guys would come in an’ lock the door behind them. Then we’d break into the vault an’ get the money.”

As darkness fell, Stan watched an airplane traverse the ranch, heading toward the airport at Billings. The red lights blinked a warning signal, telling other planes to stay away. “So what happened? Did the plan work?”

“No. Shortly after Big Ben lifted me up, there was a thumping noise from inside the building. We froze, thinkin’ someone was in there. There was another thump, an’ then an even louder one. Pretty soon that window opened, seemingly by magic. Big Ben dropped me like I was a hot cob a corn an’ took two steps back. I scrambled out of the dirt on all fours. Randy squealed like a little girl an’ took off down the street.

“As I was runnin’ away, a voice called to me. It nearly sacred me to death, it did.”

“What did it say?”

“It said, ‘Hell is callin’ and you’d better answer,’ in a gravely voice that sent chills runnin’ down my spine. I had no idea what this meant or who was speakin’, but I was interested. Those beers had numbed my senses a bit, an’ so my brain wasn’t thinkin’ clearly. So I stumbled back to the building an’ look up. Out of that window stuck a head wearin’ a black hat. Black whickers covered the face.

“I should of run away right then, but my curiosity was stronger than my sense, so I looks up an’ sees that there is now a rope danglin’ from that window. ‘Come on up,’ the man calls. So I grab a hold of that rope an’ climb. I’d never known I could climb so easy. Within seconds I was through that window an’ in the bank.

“It was pretty dark inside, but I could make out the figure of a man standin’ to my right. He was huge: bigger than Big Ben. ‘Welcome to my bank,’ he said as he grabbed my right hand an’ shook it. That man was so strong, I thought my arm was a gonna fall off.

“He turns, still holdin’ my arm, an’ walks me into the heart of the bank. ‘My name’s Hell. What’s yours?’ Without thinking, I tell him. Then he drags me over to the vault. ‘Hold this for me,’ he says an’ hands me the smallest lamp I’ve ever seen. Later I found out it was a miner’s lamp, but at the time, I was stupefied by its size.

“Well, to make a long story short, Hell broke the code to the vault on the first try, like he had it memorized or something. He pulled a cotton bag out of his pocket an’ filled it up with bundles of dollars. ‘Here. Take this. Thanks for helping me,’ he says. ‘Someday I’ll need your help again. I’ll find you, Ellis, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. You’ll help me then, just as you are now.’ With that he disappeared into the darkness, leaving me there holding the money.

“Considering that this had been my gang’s plan all along, I didn’t think much of it. Yes, I robbed a bank, but I figured all I’d done was hold the lamp. I felt pretty smug as I swaggered to the door an’ stepped onto the wooden sidewalk. Randy an’ Big Ben met me there an’ asked what had happened. I explained it all to them as we walked down the empty street. We mounted our horses an’ rode away. Later we divided up the money.”

“How much was there?” Stan had known that his grandfather had lived a rough life, but discovering that he had been a bank robber was a huge surprise.

“Somewhere near ten thousand dollars. That was a lot of money back then. Feelin’ kind of guilty, I only kept two thousand. It was enough that I could stop my roaming days an’ settle down. I bought this spread, built me a house, an’ bought some horses. Not the best stock, but as good as I could get. I figured with careful breedin’ I’d make out fine.”

Far off in the distance, a horse whinnied, followed by a chorus of others in response. The porch swing creaked as Stan rocked back and forth. After closing up his pocketknife that had never touched his carving, Stan sighed. “What does this guy Hell want?”

“He wants the money back. And not just what he stole, but a whole lot more. He wants twenty thousand. Hell says that with time, my share has grown in value. He says that unless I give him the money, he’ll go to the police an’ turn me in.”

“That was a long time ago, Grandpa. They can’t try you for a crime committed that many years back.”

“You don’t get it, boy. Hell’s a big-time lawyer in Billings now. He’s got all the politicians eating off his plate. He’s thinking about running for office and his platform is cleaning up old crimes. He says it’s me against him, an’ no one’d believe that he’d ever done something like rob a bank.” He stood, arched his back and stretched his arms over his head. He turned toward the front door.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I’m a gonna give him the money.”

Stan gasped. That money was his college fund, most of it from his inheritance when his parents died. Some was from selling breeding stock. It was earmarked for his tuition and fees at the University of Montana.

“Hell’s robbin’ you of your education, boy. I can’t think of nothin’ else to do. If’n I don’t give him the money, I might end up in jail. If’n I do give him the money, then you can’t go to college. Hell’s got me backed into a corner so tight it hurts. What do you think I should do?”

Stan stared into the black fields of the ranch. Grandpa Ellis stood silent, waiting to hear what his grandson had to say.

“Don’t give him the money yet. Mary’s father is a lawyer. I’ll ask him what the law says about crimes that old. He’s a good man and has done right by many of the ranchers out here. When’s Hell coming back?”

“He gave me a week. That was on Saturday.”

“We’ve got two days left. I’ll go over to Mary’s tomorrow morning before her dad leaves for work. He’ll help us out.” Stan stood and walked over to his grandfather. He grabbed hold of his guardian’s right arm and squeezed. “Let me try, anyway. If Mary’s dad can’t help, then we’ll give Hell the money. I’ll stay here and go to the community college.”

Grandpa Ellis nodded silently and walked into the house. He put away his pipe and pouch, and then climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Stan went into the kitchen to wash the dinner dishes. Once that task was complete, he, too, went to bed.

In the morning, Stan drove to his girlfriend’s house. Her father listened to the story, not interrupting until Stan was through.

“How long ago was this?”

“At least sixty years ago. Grandpa said he was a young man. He married my grandmother in his twenties, and this was well before then.”

“You’re right, Stan. There is a Statute of Limitations that keeps a man from being tried for old crimes. Even if there wasn’t, if Mr. Ellis is telling the truth, he wasn’t totally responsible for the break-in. He was an accomplice, true, but the circumstances were unusual. A voice out of nowhere, a man called Hell, and a mysterious rope falling.”

“So what does he tell this guy?”

Reaching into his coat pocket, Mary’s father pulled out his business card. “Give your grandfather this. Tell him to hand this card to Hell when he shows up. That should take care of it.”

Stan looked at the card and was surprised at what he saw. A host of silver angels danced across the top of the card, and a beam of golden light encircled the imprinted words.

Mary’s father laughed as he stood. “I work for Jesus Mendoza. He thought it made for an interesting business logo.”

‘Chase away your demons with Jesus’ law service’ floated just below the heavenly angels. In the bottom right hand corner, a red devil with pitchfork in hand, cowered in fear. “Hell might have found Mr. Ellis, but Jesus will be standing between the two of them. Jesus always wins his cases, and Hell knows this. Tell your grandfather that there will be no further trouble.”

Speechless, Stan stood and shook the man’s hand. He pocketed the card and followed Mary’s father out the door. He got into his car, started it up, cranked up the radio, and sang all the way home as he dreamt of college.

The Meaning of Friend

A true friend is a gift from God.
No more, no less.

Ears, eyes, heart
finely tuned
to every thought
action
need

A friend seeks balance,
craving only that which
is offered
and not one drop more

Giving, sharing
even the smallest things.
A warm hug,
kiss,
smile

A friend knows when
to step up
and when to step down.
Never pushing
or demanding

Reaching fingers
with open palm.
Electric energy
pulsing
across the gap,
joining
two strangers
into one compact unit.

A friend asks for nothing,
but is grateful
when something
drips into the heart,
warming the soul’s
ties.

Prayers offered
and heard.
Thanks given
for the smallest
of gestures

A friend is all
and more.

Blessed Firelight

The fire crackles,
tongues of flame reaching
high into the night sky,
reaching to capture the
essence of the One who
feeds all flames.

Sparks whirl, grasping,
leaping for joy, celebrating
a temporary life lived in
fullness. Rejoicing, dancing,
sprinkling the darkness
with pinpoints of light.

Flickering flames bathe
the woods nearby, casting
eerie glows on low-reaching
fir trees; on fallen logs whose
souls have flown and rest
now in peace.

Horned owls hoot in syncopated
harmonies joined by a distant
pack of coyotes whose yips rise
and fall with unequaled grace.
A fir branch snaps, splitting the
song’s joyful tunes.

The night has a bite, a sharpness
that penetrates the inner core,
threatens to steal warmth,
warded off by a rising taper of
sparks, resurrecting feeble souls
who yearn for life.

Serenity beckons, calling the flames
to calm, to settle, to dwindle
until only a feeble light survives,
burning into perpetuity,
fueled by the eternal love
of One who feeds all flames.

Jim’s Dilemma

What was the point of waking up? Today would be no different from yesterday. Or the day before that. Or any day over the past year. Has it been a year? Or more? Jim wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been sure of anything for a long time. All he knew was that he didn’t live at home anymore.
Jim couldn’t recall much of his life before whatever had happened to him. He thought he had a wife. But was she still alive? Sometimes he asked about her. He thought her name was Norah, but he couldn’t be sure.

When the man came in to get him out of bed, Jim asked about his wife. “Is my wife coming today?”

The man helped Jim sit up and took off his pajama top. “Today is Monday. Your wife always visits on Monday. Don’t you remember?”

Jim lifted his arms. The man slipped a long-sleeve shirt over Jim’s head. And then a sweater. Jim liked the feel of the clothes. They were soft and warm.

“What’s her name?”

“Norah,” the man said. “Scoot to the edge of the bed.” The man took off Jim’s bottoms and underpants. He put on new ones. And a pair of soft pants. And socks and shoes. “Okay. Time to stand.” The man slipped his arms under Jim and lifted him up. Then the man turned Jim and put him in a wheelchair. “Now off to the bathroom.”

Jim did everything the man asked him to do. Eventually he was put at a table and a plate of food was placed before him. Jim ate, but he couldn’t remember what the food was called. He wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he knew that the man wanted him to eat and drink everything.

After eating, Jim was moved to another room. One that had a television. Jim liked the television. It was bright and colorful and full of sound. He stared at it, no matter what was going on. Some things he liked better than others. Like sports or car racing. He didn’t like shows where there was a lot of talking. He couldn’t follow what was said and it confused him.

“Is my wife coming today?” Jim asked the man when he came in to do something to the television.

“Yes. She should be here soon.”

The morning passed by, like every other morning that Jim could remember. The man pushed him to the bathroom and helped Jim sit and do his business. Afterward the man pushed him back in front of the television.

A woman came and kissed him on the head. “Hello, Sweetheart,” she said.

“Do I know you?” Jim asked.

“Silly, of course you do. I’m your wife.” The woman sat in a chair next to Jim. She held his hand. “How are you today?”

Jim smiled. “Okay.”

“Good. Let me see your arms.” The woman pushed up Jim’s sleeves. “She rubbed one arm and then the other. “The bruising seems to be going away.”

Jim smiled. “Who are you?”

“Norah,” she said. “Guess what? Bruce called this morning. He’ll be coming for a visit later this week. Won’t that be nice?”

“What?”

“Bruce, your son, is coming. He wants to see you.”

“Oh.” Jim stared at the television. Those cars were still running around and around, making a lot of noise. He liked that. “I want to go out for a drive. I’ll take my truck.”

“You can’t drive anymore,” the woman said. “You don’t have a license. Besides, I sold your truck.”

“I can’t drive?”

“No. You haven’t driven in years.” The woman touched his cheek. Her hand was so soft it almost tickled.

“You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning,” she said. “I’ll be here early. Right after breakfast.”

“Okay.”
“After your appointment we’ll get a cup of coffee and some fries before the transit gets there. Will you like that?”

“What?”

“Fries and coffee.”

“I guess.”

“And then on Wednesday I won’t be coming. I have to take the car in for a checkup.”

“Oh.”
“Bruce will be here on Thursday and Friday.”

“Okay.”

“So you’ve got a busy week coming up.” The woman held Jim’s hand and rubbed his arm. “Will you like that?”

“What?”

“A busy week. Places to go and things to do.”

“I guess.”

Jim and the woman watched television together. The cars were still running around and making lots of noise. Jim liked the colors of the cars.

“I have to leave now,” the woman said. “It’s your lunchtime.” She stood and kissed him on the head. “But I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Bye,” the woman said.

Jim watched the cars go around and around. The man came and took him to the bathroom again. Then put him at the table. Jim ate all the food and drank whatever was in the cup. When he was finished, the man pushed him to his room, got him out of the chair and put him to bed.

“Is my wife coming today?”

“She’s already been here,” the man said.

“She was?”

“Yes. You watched television together, remember?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s time for your nap,” the man said. He put a blanket over Jim. “Close your eyes and rest. I’ll be back when it’s time for you to get up.”

“Okay.”

Jim watched the man walk out of the room and close the door. Jim felt lonely. He missed his wife. He wished she came to see him. He thought she was still alive, but he wasn’t sure. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what she looked like.

She had yellow hair. And she was small. He couldn’t recall the word for it, but the picture in his mind was of her leaning against his side and him resting his chin on the top of her head. He couldn’t remember anything else about her. What color were her eyes? Where did they live? Did they have kids?

Jim was so confused. The man asked him all kinds of questions every day. Jim thought very hard, but didn’t know the answers.

Jim kept still on the bed. He didn’t like to move around because it was so small. He was afraid of falling out. He stared at the ceiling and tried counting the dots. Jim counted to twenty, but couldn’t remember what came next, so he started over again.

What was the point in trying to remember? Every day was just like the one before. Jim was so sad sometimes that he cried. He didn’t understand where he was or why he was alive. Is this living? Jim didn’t think so.
The one thing he wanted to know, more than anything else, was when he could die. He hoped it was soon. He was so tired of everyday being the same.

Helping Hands

It was a busy time for Elena, but she didn’t mind. She loved all the hustle and bustle around the holidays. People coming and going. Meals to plan and prepare. Beds to make. Windows to clean. While it was hard work, every single part of it was fun.

This year’s festivities began with a Thanksgiving potluck at work. Elena’s specialty was deviled eggs. She followed her family’s recipe, filling the eggs with chopped nuts with a sprinkle of nutmeg on top. The others brought store-bought cookies and cakes, packaged salads and bottled dressings and sliced luncheon meats from a deli. Elena didn’t care that she was the only one who took the time to create something because her eggs disappeared before anything else was touched.

She didn’t always have company for Thanksgiving. Some years she celebrated alone, which was sad, but not disheartening. Elena spent the afternoons volunteering at a local homeless shelter, preparing and serving food to hungry singles and families. The kids were the saddest part. Imagine having no home to call your own. No Christmas tree in your own front room. No gifts under the tree. So she smiled encouragingly at the kids. If she had time, she went from table to table and listened to their stories.

One child, Jessica, was only seven years old but had already attended five different schools. She would have been a pretty child if her face had been clean and her clothes not faded and torn. Her eyes were a deep green that sparkled when she smiled. Jessica spoke of nights sleeping in the back seat of the car, parked in the lots of Walmarts or Sears, so cold that her feet felt numb and so hungry that her stomach ached. The best places to sleep were at rest stops, as there were bathrooms and fresh water, but the highway patrol came by and shooed them away.

Jessica’s wants were simple. She loved school, but often missed days when there was no place to stay. She hated falling behind or starting over in new schools where she had no friends, and even though she understood too much about how poor her family was, she wished it were different. For once she would like to stay in a school for a whole year.

Moving so much made it hard for her to keep up in her classes. In one school she might be in the middle reading group, but in the next, in the lowest one. She would start a book in one school but never get to finish it because off they would go on another quest for shelter. In the next school they’d be working on writing an essay, and Jessica would struggle with the beginning while everyone else was almost finished.

Jessica told Elena that, for once, she would like to be able to wear different clean clothes every day, for a week. Clothes that came with tags from a store. Not hand-me-downs from the lost and found bins. She wished for shoes that fit. Hers were either too big or too small, worn by someone else before she got them, and often stained or torn.

Elena wanted to help Jessica’s family, and so she invited them to move into her house. There was plenty of room. She had two unused bedrooms and a family room that missed the sounds of childish laughter. Since there were two bathrooms, one could be just for the family, one for Elena.
When the family finished eating, the father approached Elena, head bowed. His feet scuffed the floor as he spoke.

“We appreciate your offer, ma’am,” he said. “But we can’t stay with you. It would be too much.”

“No, really,” Elena said. “I want you to come. It would be a joy to have you stay until you can save up for a place of your own.”

“We both work,” he said, “ but we don’t make enough to pay rent on an apartment.”

“That’s okay. I can help you get connected to agencies that work with the homeless. I’m sure there’s something they can do once you have a stable place to stay.”

The man nodded. “Okay. We’ll give it a try. Just for a few days. To see how things work out. By the way, we’re the Morrisons.”

“Nice to meet you,” Elena said as she shook his hand. She gave him her address and phone number. They agreed that the family would move in the next day.

Elena felt proud of herself as she finished up at the shelter. When she got home, she made sure the bedrooms and bathroom were ready for company. Clean towels. Fresh sheets. Warm blankets. Room in the closets and dresser drawers.

She had the next day off, so she went out early in the morning to buy groceries that she hoped the family would like.

When she heard an old rattle-trap car coming down the street, Elena went out on her front porch. The car had seen better days. It was a bluish minivan with a huge dent in the side. Smoke poured from the exhaust pipe and it had not been washed in many days, if not years. When it pulled to a stop in front of her house, it shuddered, screeched, and then finally came to a rest. Elena wondered if she could enroll them in one of those giveaways where needy families were given remade cars as a helping hand. She made a mental note to check it out.

Jessica spilled from the open door of the car and ran straight into Elena’s arms. “Thank you for helping us,” she said. “How long can we stay?”

“Until your mom and dad want to leave.”

“Really? That long?”

Elena simply nodded. She grabbed Jessica’s hand, waited for her parents to step on the porch, and led them inside the house. “This is the front room,” Elena said. “You can use the desk to do your homework.”

She took them all through the house, stopping along the way to point out where to find things, where to put things, how to work the television remote. “I leave pretty early in the morning, so you’ll be on your own for breakfast. There are eggs and bacon, sausage, tortillas, hot and cold cereal, coffee, tea and juice. Please help yourselves.”

“Thanks,” Mrs. Morrison said. She smiled shyly. Her eyes were green and her hair light brown. It was easy to see which parent Jessica most loosely resembled. “We’ll clean up, too, and put everything away.’

“I love to cook,” Elena said, “so I’ll fix dinner every night, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the mother said.

“I’m Elena, not ma’am.”

“I’m Mary and this is George. You’ve already met Jessica.”

“Would you like anything now? I went to the store so there are snacks and sodas.”

“No, thanks. We’d like to unpack the car, if that’s okay with you.”

Things went well the rest of the day. Jessica followed Elena everywhere and Mary helped with dinner while George watched television. After dinner they all watched a movie, and then it was time for bed.

It was funny, but Elena was not a bit nervous having strangers in her home. She slept soundly, waking only once to use the bathroom. In the morning she got up to the smells of cooking. Bacon and eggs. Toast. Coffee.

In the kitchen she found George hard at work. “Good morning,” he said. “I hope you are hungry.”

“Everything smells lovely. You didn’t have to do all this,” Elena said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“It’s no problem. I work in a café downtown. I love to cook.” He dished up a plate of food and placed it before Elena.

“Thanks. I didn’t expect this.” Her first bite of eggs put a smile on her face. “These are the best scrambled eggs I’ve ever had!

“It’s the cream cheese,” George said.

After she had eaten, Elena turned on her computer and researched all the possible agencies that might be able to help the Morrisons. She found one that clothed women in nearly-new business outfits, taught interview skills, gave tutorials in computer use, and even styled hair. She wrote down the contact information, thinking it might give Mary a boost of confidence.

There were others as well. Food stamps and welfare. Medicare. After-school programs that helped with schoolwork and provided safe places to stay until the parents could get there. Shops that gave shoes and clothing to people of all ages and sizes. Free haircuts and shampoos. A place to get free reading material for children. Grocery stores that gave away clearance items such as prepackaged salads, vegetables, fruits, lunchmeats and bread. She even found a small chef school that trained students for free, then found them jobs.

Since there was no school, Jessica kept busy doing schoolwork, watching television and searching through the books in Elena’s library until she settled on one she thought she might read.

When George and Mary returned from work, Elena sat them down in the front room and went over all she had found. The chef school paid its trainees more than George currently made, so he was excited and ready to enroll. Mary wasn’t as sure about looking for another job as she liked the office where she worked. She enjoyed filing the records of transactions and felt she was treated fairly at work. She did agree to at least go one time to look for more professional clothing and get her hair done up.

The next few days sped by. Elena got out her Christmas tree and set it up in the front room. Jessica helped with the lights, garland and ornaments. George cooked all the meals and Mary cleaned the house from top to bottom.

For Elena, there was a feeling of great satisfaction. It was as if she had her very own family living under her roof. She loved listening to their conversations. And Jessica was such a joy! Elena dreamt of the good times they would have. Things they would do, like go to the park, see movies, maybe even take trips together.

On Monday morning Elena left for work before anyone was up. She locked the door behind her and drove off, thinking of how lucky she was to have found such good people to share the holidays with.

When she got home, Elena was surprised to find the front door unlocked, but no one there. She hung her keys on the rack by the door. That’s when she noticed that her computer was missing. No monitor, no keyboard, no mouse. Her tablet was also gone. Numbly, she stepped outside and called the police. She didn’t want to be in the house in case the intruders were still there.

The police came within a matter of minutes. They went inside, guns drawn. Elena stood far away, out on the sidewalk, not wanting to witness any possible shooting or the arrest of a criminal. But the police came out with no one in tow.

“Did you get a chance to look around and see what else was missing?” the tall one said.

“No. I only stepped into the front room. That’s when I left and called you.”

“Come inside, ma’am,” the other cop said. “We’ll take a look together.”

The television was missing. And the DVD player. So were most of her movies. Lamps and clocks were gone. Towels, sheets, blankets. The comforters off all the beds. Toiletries from both bathrooms. Food from the pantry and refrigerator. Everything and anything that could be taken quickly was gone.

“Ma’am,” the tall cop said, “Do you have any idea who might have done this? There is no sign of forced entry. It’s as if they had a key.”

Elena put her head in her hands. “Oh, no, it couldn’t be.”

“What?”

“The Morrisons. I invited them into my home on Thanksgiving.”

“Who are the Morrisons?”

“A family I met at the shelter. They were such nice people. And their little girl was so sweet. I was going to help them get better jobs. A new car. Clothes. Everything. And I gave them a key to the house.”

The tall cop sat on the sofa and pulled a small white pad from his shirt pocket. “Can you describe the Morrisons?”

Elena told the cop everything she knew. Size. Age. Eye color. Hair. Car. Jobs. And even what she knew of little Jessica.

“Ma’am,” the other cop said, “I hate to tell you this, but you got off lucky. We’ve seen schemes like this go horribly wrong. They might have convinced you to take out a loan on your house, or given them money. They might have harmed you, even killed you, to get what they wanted. Fortunately this happened while you were at work.”

“I feel like such a fool!”

“Ma’am,” the tall cop said, “Do you know a locksmith?”

“No.”

“We do. We’ll call him for you. I’m sure he’ll come out right away. Have all your locks changed and even have him put locks on your windows. These people probably won’t return since they took everything that wasn’t pinned down. But you need to be more secure.”

“Okay.”

“Also you should file a police report. Do you have any receipts for the things that were stolen? Like the computer or television?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“We’re going to leave now. Can I gave you a piece of advice?”

Elena nodded.

“Never invite strangers into your home. Even ones with children. You just don’t know what they might do.”

Elena sat dumbfounded as they left. She chastised herself for being so trusting, for being so hopeful that she could help the Morrisons out. What a fool she had been.

Faith in Those Little Things

Whispers in the silent night
Tender touches by starlight

Words unsaid in angry voice
Actions fulfilled by free choice

Love’s strong arms held open wide
Know that God walks stride by stride

Watches like a parent proud
Mistakes expected: allowed

Understanding, patient, kind
Always there for us to find

Calls our names in winters wild
In spring, He gifts breezes mild

Summer’s heat sends us outside
God’s gifts in flowers abide

Rains remind of deep pain felt
Tragic death, deftly dealt

All these things, of faith speak
Comfort to all those who seek

God’s good grace, offered free
Sin’s release, for you and me

Faith defined in little things
Given by the King of kings

A True Friend

A true friend is a gift from God.
No more, no less.

Ears, eyes, heart
finely tuned
to every thought
action
need

A friend seeks balance,
craving only that which
is offered
and not one drop more

Giving, sharing
even the smallest things.
A warm hug,
kiss,
smile

A friend knows when
to step up
and when to step down.
Never pushing
or demanding

Reaching fingers
with open palm.
Electric energy
pulsing
across the gap,
joining
two strangers
into one compact unit.

A friend asks for nothing,
but is grateful
when something
drips into the heart,
warming the soul’s
ties.

Prayers offered
and heard.
Thanks given
for the smallest
of gestures

A friend is all
and more.

A Miserable Life

Marissa always thought something was terribly wrong with her. At least going back as far as she could remember. She was not a happy child and wasn’t childhood supposed to be the best time in one’s life? She can’t remember laughing much. Sometimes there’d be a moment when she’d smile, but most of the time she was miserable. A sulking, sad little girl.

When she began going to school, she hated it. Kindergarten was an awful place. Every day she was told to do things that she didn’t know how to do. Like identify colors and shapes. Hold a pencil. Write her name. And playtime was lonely-time. She liked the sandbox the best, where she could move the sand around to make roads and drive toy cars over the lumps and bumps. Once a week ladies would bring in things that kids could buy, but Marissa never had any money. So she never owned any of the pretty, shiny ribbons. Never got a pretzel. Never got her school pictures. When all her classmates ran up to buy things, Marissa cried.

Elementary school wasn’t much better. Lonely on the playground, lost in the class. She couldn’t read as well as the others. Couldn’t do the math or write the answers that the teacher expected. Where she really failed was in Art, and then when she got older, in French. And still, no friends. But who would want to spend time with a gloomy girl? No one.

At home, she never felt like she belonged. Marissa often dreamt that she was adopted. That someone had made a terrible mistake and dumped her off in the streets somewhere and then she ended up in this family. That someday the mistake would be discovered and she would be returned to her rightful family. And she would smile.

It was confusing living with these people, especially once she became a teenager. She was expected to get perfect grades on every assignment, in every class. But she wasn’t given time to study. She had to clean house, from top to bottom, every day. Do laundry. Polish the leaves of the plants. And learn how to cook. But she had no interest in cooking. What Marissa loved was reading books. Books about horses and faraway places and happy people in happy families.

When she read, she was calm. And nurtured. Something about the feel of the book, the texture of the pages, the comfort of the words, carried her away and into worlds that were kind and gentle and patient and interesting.

She dreamed of escape. She thought about running away, but was too frightened of the unknown. Of where she would sleep and bathe and get food, and so she stayed put. It was in high school that Marissa discovered a way to leave. College. She go to a college somewhere, far enough away that she no longer had to stay in that house. And so she studied harder than she ever had before. Even when her counselor told her that she would never succeed in college, that she wasn’t smart enough to pass classes. Marissa just worked harder than ever, often staying up until late at night, going over and over the lessons. It wasn’t easy, but she understood that her ways out of the house were limited.

It would be comforting to think that Marissa had happy birthdays and Thanksgivings and Christmases. That there were vacations and laughter and good times. Maybe there were some moments here and there when things weren’t so bad. Maybe a time when she could relax her guard and just be. But when?

Most kids grow up thinking of the gifts they would receive. The parties when friends would come over. The sleepovers and trips and places to be seen. They imagine Santa and the reindeer. Put out cookies before they go to bed. Wake up in the morning to find gifts under the tree. Marissa had some of that.

When she was in middle school she met her first friend, a pretty girl in her class. For some reason, they bonded. The girl saw through Marissa’s unhappiness and so invited her to spend the night. Marissa was used to tense dinners in her own house, when no one spoke for fear of getting lectured. In her friend’s house, dinner was a time of laughter and talking about the day. In Marissa’s house there was no watching of the television, but in this house the family sat around the set and enjoyed one show after another. This family played board games. This family had desert. This family gave each other hugs when it was bedtime. Marissa wanted to stay there forever, she was so happy.

There were vacations, always to one relative’s house or another. Even when there were children living there, though, Marissa was not allowed to play. She was told to sit on the couch and not move. Not even to go to the bathroom without asking permission first. It was hard to watch her cousins running around and having fun. To hear them laughing and teasing and playing. She wanted to live with them. But no, it was not to be. She always had to get in the car for the silent ride home. If she was lucky. If not, then there was yelling and screaming and hateful words.

When Marissa was accepted to a college far away from home, she rejoiced. Here was her escape. Her chance to find friends and happiness. She lived in the dormitory. Her first roommate was a spoiled rich girl. Not a very nice person. She made fun of Marissa’s homemade clothes and old-fashioned hairdo. She smoked and left her ashes on Marissa’s bed. So Marissa found things to do away from her room. She met people in the cafeteria. Nice people. Kind people. People who made her feel happy and loved. Things began looking up.

But not everything worked out as in Hollywood. There were assignments that she had to redo. Parties that involved too much alcohol. Marijuana. Hands all over her body that would not stop even when she begged. Men who offered marriage and taking her away to foreign lands where women had no rights. One disaster after another.

And so Marissa understood that there was something wrong with her. Something that could not be fixed. She was broken.

She had some choices. Continue to be miserable or seek happiness in those things that she did well. Marissa had plenty of experience being miserable, so that meant that happiness would be her choice. And so she worked at it. She smiled at strangers. She laughed when others did, even when she didn’t get the joke. She stood straighter. She got a job. She raised her voice to a normal speaking level. She changed everything about her that could be changed. And life improved. In many ways.