Socially awkward individuals might have grown up in a home in which they are mistreated. Perhaps they’ve been scolded for speaking in the presence of strangers or maybe their classmates teased them mercilessly. They believed that no one cared about them, no one ever asked what they felt about a given subject.

When you’re never asked which flavor of ice cream you prefer or what cereal you’d like, you realize that your preferences don’t matter. And it’s the not-mattering that takes hold of the emotions, locking them inside.

            Being invisible becomes a salvation. It keeps them safe from punishment for ridicule.

            The downside of this invisibility is that you never get recognition when you do something right.

            These feelings can begin in early childhood. Imagine starting school well behind your peers academically, and knowing it. That child is at a huge disadvantage when she had to work with others, either on schoolwork or on the playground.

            It happened to me.

My first few teachers thought that I’d overcome my shyness and so never called on me.

            Day after day I’d sit silent, not responding whenever the teacher did ask me a question. At times I managed a few words, just enough to respond. Most of the time nothing would come out.

            On the playground I was a loner. I played in the sand, by myself, day after day. Even when the sand was damp after a storm, that’s where I’d be.

            When Kindergarten ended, I’d learned colors, shapes, numbers and letters. I could hold a pencil correctly and write my name, the alphabet and numbers. I could draw shapes and color within the lines. But I still couldn’t speak when called on, and most importantly, I had no friends.

            It was a terrible way to begin one’s academic career.

            As I grew older, I understood I was expected to get high grades. I everything my teachers demanded except for answering when called on. No matter how much I wanted to speak up, I couldn’t make the words come out. It was embarrassing.

            By junior high I had developed a voice, but it was still a quiet one. So when a teacher asked me a question, I could respond loud enough to be heard.

One thing that didn’t change was my lack of friends. I couldn’t approach someone and initiate a conversation, even when I knew I had something to offer.

            In high school I made one friend, a girl who was a loner like me. Interestingly enough, when we were together, both of us could speak. It was awesome.

By the time I went to college I had overcome the paralyzing fear of speaking out in class. I could raise my hand and answer out loud, as long as the class was small and once I was comfortable in the class.

The thing is, children who grow up feeling unloved, disrespected, and unwanted have a difficult time shaking off those feelings. They grow up to be bashful, socially awkward adults.

People often think that a bashful person is conceited, thinking they are above everyone in the room. That’s not true at all.

Shy people can speak out when they feel confident and respected. In that situation, they can express thoughts and beliefs, make friends and enjoy being with others.

Imagine if all children are treated as if they are brilliant from an early age: they might just turn out to be a confident, outspoken individual.